Last week a 14 year old boy killed himself because of bullying. Jamey Rodemeyer was being bullied both in school and online. A terrible tragedy all around. He was terribly bullied at school and he used an online blog to vent his frustrations. When classmates caught wind of his blog, they then began harassing him online. Telling him he was fat and ugly, he should die, calling him homophobic slurs, etc. I'm sure you've seen the press and seen the Trending Topics on Twitter about him, His idol, Lady Gaga, is now asking the president to make bullying a crime. I wholeheartedly agree. This stuff is dangerous.
As a member of a greater online community and an avid user of social media, it makes me sick and it makes me question our roles and our duty as fellow social media-ites. Now there's some specifics I don't know about specifically on the Jamey Rodemeyer case. I don't know who saw the threats or who saw his cries for help. (he posted on Facebook he was going to join his grandmother who had previously died) and gave subtle clues as to what he was going to do on his blog. Obviously hindsight is 20/20. I can't say there was time to save him, also I can't that that any kind words or any gestures could have saved him either. But it makes me question the other things I've seen and what a person seeing such things should do. Could do?
Now we've all probably been on You-Tube and seen the comment section. I probably don't even have to go on about that. I've given up even scrolling down because there's always negative comments and it always turns racist or sexist or homophobic, etc. Horrible. I don't think there would be any point or use even trying to comment on there. I don't know what is going through people's heads when they make those kind of comments, but something to the extent of just trying to cause a stir, and obviously a lot of hate.
I've also seen things on a much smaller scale that makes me question people's gang or gang-up-on mentality. Let me give you an example of how I've seen comment sections on a post bring out the inhumanity in people.
On Facebook I'm subscribed to a local police page. During the recent flooding they updated their followers about road closures, area conditions, etc. They posted a message that the area was in a state of emergency and to stay off the roads. So there was a few short non-memorable comments of thanks and then one individual started in on a rant, posted things like, "F*** the police, government is evil, don't do what the police say, police are pus***." And so on.
Okay so this is stupid, disrespectful, immature, this is a hundred things. But what happened next is really deplorable. People started ganging up on this individual in an alarming way. Now to give some side notes: this is just Facebook, and most of the people that are subscribed to this particular police page are from a community of about 9,000 people or the surrounding area. These are just run of the mill small town local citizens, Mothers, Fathers, run of the mill locals, mostly adults. Not what I would say was an average hateful group. And also it's Facebook, all real names and profiles were used. The comments started flooding in saying, "shut up," "you should die," "I hope you drown in the flood," "you are worthless.". It went on and on. Now what this young man said was stupid and disrespectful. He bantered back some and the barrage of hateful things went back to him. I wondered, am I really the only one who thinks that all the people who told this person to kill himself and that he was worthless, that they ought to be ashamed of themselves? How could some stupid comments bring this sort of hate out of rather seemingly regular people.
I wanted to say something in response. I wanted to say that they ought to look inside their very souls and be ashamed. But I didn't. I didn't say anything. I didn't want to get involved. I didn't agree with either side, but the retaliation, this ganging-up-on mentality was sickening. Most people may say that the anti-police sentiment was sickening.. but the backlash was what I couldn't stomach.
I look back now after seeing the Jamey story. Should I have said something? Now I know it's not exactly the same thing, and I know for a fact that all parties involved in this case were not minors. (If it had been a minor, I most definitely would have said something). But we don't know what this person is going through or why they're so angry. Could these awful things make a suicidal person follow through with it? I don't know. Possibly. I'm not saying this person was anywhere near suicidal, but we don't know that for sure. Did anyone actually think Jamey was going to kill himself? Even after his warnings and cries for help? Probably not. Should I have said something? I think so. Will I say something in the future? I hope so.
Thoughtful post. I think that bullying is a really complicated problem and I'm not sure whether making it a federal crime will help, maybe but I think the point of having serious consequences for behavior is helpful whatever that may mean. Also, there is this problem with the bystander model which is essentially if you are not the only person witnessing something it actually creates a barrier for you to step in. You assume that someone else will step in since you aren't the only person witnessing a behavior. Actually, if you were the sole witness you are much more likely to engage. So we are currently using this problem to teach people how to step in right now there are programs for specific issues like: sexual assault. We frame it in a way that doesn't sound that dramatic but that's the essential idea. So perhaps in k-12 helping kids step up when someone is in distress as well as addressing the actor or bully. The problem is being a bully in many ways is rewarded so that's another layer. I deal with adult bullies all the time who are teaching their children the lesson that bullying for what you want is the correct way. Anyways, as you can see I think you have good perspective. It's so complicated I'm not sure the best solution.
ReplyDeleteGreat post! Bullying is so hard to "treat" as a teacher I address it every day and talk about how it is important to be nice. It is a hard thing and much like the current state of education - it is a symptom of a larger problem. Society as a whole and the American corporate and political empires are successful because they bully the "little guy". I often say that it is hard to fight against bullying when it is the history of American foreign and domestic politics.
ReplyDeleteHere's the other thought I have on this. One of the professors researches teens and she always says, teens are a reflection on their adults. Essentially, adults push their values onto their kids and these kids just magnify these behaviors. I have to agree when it comes to bullying. Not that every parent of a bully is a bully but for sure adults at large have a lot of explaining to do. Look at the current political discussion in this country - talk about bullying!
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